Who Are We?

​I shall not hide behind a veil of insecurities, a veil that can not be penetrated. This veil allows me to keep my distance from your reality. 

This veil that hides who I truly am, and allows me to hide my identity and gives me freedom to be who I want to be. 

When you look at me you will find two eyes looking back at you. These eyes are the Windows to my soul and can tell you the story of where I have been. 

To you it might seem like there is no real story to tell, but we all have a story we are hiding from the world. The true reality of who we are, not who we pretend to be. 

There are very few people that can actually be themselves in this materialistic world.

The rest of us are just actors playing a character in life that people will adore and accept. In a society that  supposedly accepts differences, but shy’s away from it.

But who are we truly in this Materialistic World?

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The Paths in Life

Somehow I thought that my life would have taken a different route. But we all end up in the place we are meant to be in. Some paths may seem small and others may seem to have more importance. But each path contributes differently to the individual who is on the path.

The life you lead will either lead you to happiness or sadness depending on how you look at the situations you are facing. Don’t try to live the lives of others, just live your life! Too often we look into the windows of other people’s lives, but forget to appreciate what is in front of us. We only realise the benefit of people & things when it is taken away from us. Don’t wait until things are taken away to realise their importance. Appreciate the life you have, no matter how small the steps you are taking seem.

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Freedom of Expression

Through my eyes I see happiness and joys. Through my eyes I see the oppressed and the withered ones but through the eyes of others I am the oppressed one. 

I am the one who is being forced and backward minded. I am the one who looks strange to society. In a society that accepts “differences”, that embraces cultures and all religions. But why do I feel so constricted, so judged when I am walking in the streets in the garments I choose to wear. In the path I chose to take and in the life I chose to live. 

Could it just be that society doesn’t really accept “freedom of expression” or is this just a statement we use lightly. 

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This YEAR

It’s over. This year is over. As I stare at my certificate before me. And reflecting at the ups and downs in this year, but I made it! I finally made it!

There was so many obstacles that I was faced with, to me it felt like I was not meant to be there. To study my religion and the words of the Almighty. Many times I felt like this was not for me that the obstacles standing in my path was too great. That there was no way out and most times when I felt like this I prayed to the Almighty, asking him for a way out and almost exactly God would provide me a way out. Alghamdulillah (All praise be to God)!

When people tell you that doors will be opened for you this year, just by studying Allah’s Book. I thought more along the lines of work or marriage, because I really need a job. But you never think along the lines of just the basic things. Like that the fact that Allah answered your Dua (prayer) to do this, that you have something that someone else is longing for or in my case as well a simple lift to madrassa (Islamic school). We are blessed in so many ways and most times we don’t realize what we have until we lost it. Never look at someone that has more than you, rather look at someone who has less than you.

I have graduated this year learning so much about myself and also changing who I was. I have discovered so much about myself. I am surprised by the person I have become, although I still have my own struggles to overcome at least I will know how to go about it now. Alghamdulillah!

 

Never let the obstacles in your life take hold of you, rather you take a hold of them.”

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Death of Self

Sometimes we all feel a little dead inside, a spiritual deadness that most times we do not know how to cure. “The death of self”, I call it. We have so much we have to say, but are unable to put into words so others may understand us. That is the saddest part about hiding who we truly are and who we sincerely want to be. At times we are unable to express ourselves behind the layers of “fake smiles” we hide behind. In order that no one may see our weaknesses.

The hurt, the pain, the doubt and the continuous insecurity of who we are. Who do we speak to, to release us from this emptiness? Or are we the only person that feels this way?

Yes this empty void we feel happens to everyone and we feel it at different stages of our lives. Those are the times we realise something is missing, we have lost something along the way. Were we ever happy? How did this even happen?

It is said that speaking about something that is bothering you can help, I wonder…

So much has happened and I can no longer ponder on the lives of others. Maybe I care too much, but one can never care enough. Or is our inherent ability to want to belong, belong to something that makes us whole.

I guess in order to heal yourself there is only one cure, find what is missing and put the missing pieces together. At the end of the day it is not someone that makes you whole. It is a piece of you that has died and the piece you have to discover once again. Whether you have to find yourself through religion, art, nature or through something you love. At the end of it all. It all starts with loving yourself and accepting that whatever happened, happened and there is a greater reason which you are unable to fathom as to why it happened.

Love yourself, and remember there is a reason for everything.

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The Beginning of Something Great!

This year started out different, the air I inhaled into my lungs felt different. There was a certain change taking place and not even I was aware of it. I mean how could I be, the last few years were filled with sorrow, heartbreak and depression on another level. I’m glad that this year to me won’t feel like that one year “to change”, but it will be a year where I try to better myself best I can!

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Acceptance

There was a time when I couldn’t even look at myself. When I was unable to even believe that someone could love me.
I believed I was ugly, because I was no “magazine cover girl“. I didn’t have material beauty. Beauty that people would look at and define as beautiful. Myself worth was down and I wanted to be someone else. Someone that the world and I would define as “beautiful“.

It was not until I reached 17, did I really accept myself for who I was. And not for who I wanted to be. I realised that my happiness did not rely on someone else’s perception of me, but my own idea of myself. I found true happiness and true beauty to be within me and no one else. That I only had to look in myself to find what I was looking for all along, acceptance.
I had truely found happiness within me and since then I have never doubted that I am beautiful. But in some instances I have doubted whether I was beautiful for someone I liked. I know now that I am good enough and that if someone does not accept me as I am. Then it is their loss, cause I am not perfect and no one really is perfect. We should learn to accept our imperfections, because that is the true beauty.

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